As I mentioned, I withdrew to the desert this week for some solitude & silence.
Monday night there was a nice crisp chill in the air. Knowing what a spaz I am Butch had the stove ready to go… “just light. Don’t burn house down.”
I thought I’d share a journal entry from Monday night. Maybe you can relate:
There is always a weird duality that I feel, opposite impulses. There is a part of me that just wants to get this over with. There is a part of me that looks forward to the time when I’m driving back to civilization & eating again on Wednesday.
But there is another part of me, the part that I want to follow more, a part that wants You, that doesn’t want to just go through the motions of a desert time. This part really wants to encounter You out here. I’m always a little in dread of what I will encounter, what You might say, what You might ask of me. There is a part that fears that [gets overwhelmed with all my flaws & sins & wonders if I have any business being in the position I’m in… who am I fooling anyway.] But as I type it occurs to me that this is the part that keeps me from You & shouldn’t be indulged & listened to. I need to hear my own sermon – no matter how deep I dig with You, I will find goodness.
SO I COME – I’m here. I am inclining my heart to You. Listen up O ears of my soul. Eyes of my heart, fix your gaze on the Lord. He is present as I type.
I ASK OUR QUESTION: WHAT? – I’ve spent the last 25 minutes or so in silence focusing on “WHAT”.
– I’ve sensed grace as I’ve pictured myself in your presence.
– I’ve pictured You working at Journey – You are using us. You are working. Stuff is happening!
– I feel hope as I’ve been silent. Hope that leads to expectation.
On Tuesday I took a run up into the canyon father than I’ve previously gone up. Not too long ago there was a fire among the trees in the creek bed. There are lots of charred burned trees. Right in the middle of the bbq-ed trees is this. (yes, the sky WAS actually this color)
I strongly felt like God was saying, sit yourself down & stare at this tree. Ponder. Later that day I wasn’t sure what else God was saying, but I knew I was supposed to go take a pic of the tree. I still haven’t figured out what God’s saying. Any thoughts?
Here’s some random sunset pics. It really is embarrassing how much beauty we who live in CA get to enjoy.